Dear Diary, “Is Pressurized Academia Worth The Praise And Recognition”
From what I’ve noticed students line the halls of infamous highschools. Grouped together based on their own interests and self-drawn beliefs. Something out of your favorite 90’s movie. The infamous popular kids who are out every weekend, the jocks who seem to have more muscles than brain cells, the theater kids practicing their vocals, and stoners who are more occupied with their skateboards and recent hallucinations to notice the bell that had just rang. Yet, standing over to the side, amidst a cloud of calculations stolen from an AP calculus textbook and caffeine intakes higher than the bottle advises is where they stand. The students who pride themselves not merely on their grades, but their ranking, their placement, their identity. Their conversations consist of recent tests, and upcoming homework assignments. Who got the higher grade? Who has the photos for the assignment due at 11:59pm tonight? Is that the correct answer or is that what the Quizlet said?? The continuous mindset of heightened stress and a fear of failing below the top 10% of the class labels the herd.
The very proposal I have been experimenting with this year scares them most of all, I believe. What would happen if you simply stopped. Stopped stressing, stopped compulsively checking your grades. Simply do your best and focus on what truly matters, you. I’m unsure if it was the cloud of Calculus or the months of heightened energy levels that got to me, but something broke. And it is after running this experiment, that I have found the wish for that something to break in every student in America.
Aside from my love of being a witty-wallflower, there is something to be loved about taking the time to learn more about yourself. As most of us enter a new phase of our lives, whether that is our first years of college or highschool there is always room for self improvement. Not the improvement that is screamed in gyms at ridiculous hours, but our emotional and mental awareness. Because our standard of living cannot truly be heightened until we take the time to improve all parts of ourselves: physically, mentally and emotionally. When we focus on ourselves we grant ourselves the opportunity to experience a new version of life, one with compassion and empathy. Before I go on to disclose my inner Dr. Frankenstein, I encourage you all to take a moment and consider running this idea past yourself. Are you too stressed out? Have you let academics consume the things you enjoy most of life? And most importantly: is the stress and misery worth the outcome?
So here's what I did. I dragged my feet into the cloud of Calculus and stepped into a new perspective. I challenged myself to four AP classes, with a goal of straight A’s. A percarous and daunting goal for myself, yet the standard for those in the Academia Herd. For the first semester of the school year I allowed myself to become fully consumed. I found myself continuously checking my grades. Desiring to see where I landed in comparison to other students in those classes. For 5 months I found myself at an all time high for stress levels with an all-time low of sleep. I was averaging 4-hours of sleep per night. Yes, even on the weekends. My habit of constantly checking the grade on every assignment and test grew, and grew, becoming unbearable. For a moment I understood how the access to answers became so appealing. The dopamine rush from receiving a 100 on every assignment became more addicting than any black-market drug. I was hooked. And at the end of the semester, I was not only burnt-out, but I was accomplished. I finished the semester just as I had hoped. All straight A’s and a GPA above 4.5. But was it worth it? Physically, mentally, and emotionally I was the lowest I had ever been. It was concerning. I wondered if every student was walking around like a zombie within the herd. Numb to their inner thoughts and feelings due a fear of being pushed overboard, being unable to maintain their perfection if one emotion stepped out of line. It caused me to wonder if the increased levels of stress, anxiety, and sleep deprivation were worth the grades?
Semester 1
For the second semester I did the exact opposite. I layed out the same framework: four AP classes, with a goal of straight-A’s. What did I do differently? I stopped caring. I walked into this experiment with the hypothesis that my grades would be just as high in the second semester of my experiment, if I took off the pressure. I theorized that students who lessened their stress levels would have higher academic performance, and simply be happier. I wondered if the lower stress levels would lead to increased sleep, and thus more happy brain chemicals. And that's what I did. I walked into the second semester without my habit of continuously checking my grades. Everytime one of my friends asks, “What did you get on this test?” in a mantic craze, I simply responded “I don’t know.” I could see the confusion and fear on their faces when I told them I had simply stopped checking my grades. I was happier than ever. I was averaging 6-8 hours of sleep a night. I was simply “trying my best” as my mother would say. Without the pressure of maintaining my grades, my stress levels were lower, and I was able to spend more time doing things I actually enjoyed. I can officially remark that my standard of living was significantly higher, and my grades remained exactly the same.
Semester 2
It was in my last few weeks of the school year that I stepped outside of the forbidden cloud and interviewed other students. I was curious. Was I letting my ego get the best of me or was I witnessing the truth? I interviewed three students of different GPAs and academic prowess. From our conversation I asked them varying questions like emotions they experienced when they received a good/bad grade, how often they checked their grades, and how that habit (if present) made them feel. For perspective: Student A reported checking their grades once a week, Student B reported checking their grades once a day, and Student C reported checking their grades three times per day. Student A experienced minimal emotional shifts associated with the habit and felt slight differences in stress levels in and out of school. On the contrary, Students B and C held a very strong habit, and often felt the most stress during the school year. All three students told me that they check their grades to fulfill a sense of control. Yet, it was Student C who reported the habit as a “life or death” type of motivation, which I honestly found concerning. When I asked the students what thought process they experienced when they considered their strenuous habit, they assured me it helps them to get “where they need to be.” The idea of placing one’s identity in their grades recurring. While it is ignorant to believe that all these students forge their identity on, their ranking plays a troubling role.
I write this article, not with intention to condemn these students, but to shed light on the changing world of academia. Students are placing themselves on an all time level of stress and pressure based on the belief that they may only succeed, if they receive a college diploma. With colleges raising tuition prices and lower acceptances rates, the idea of a college diploma becomes less and less accessible to the majority of students; and forces the herd to grow larger and larger as the years progress. I write this article to question the system, and the herd. You are not as valuable as your grades. Your identity as a person lies within your heart, and how you treat others. I ran this experiment to show you that you are just as intelligent when you try your best, and focus on yourself. Because our future is not made with our college degrees, but our actions. It is with heightened emotional, mental, and physical intelligence that our future becomes brighter.